TALE OF TWO HOUSES IN PROGRESS

House #1 is a 20 room mansion (not including 8 bathrooms) heated by natural gas. Add on a pool (and a pool house) and a separate guest house, all heated by gas. In one month this residence consumes more energy than the average American household does in a year. The average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2400 per month. In natural gas alone, this property consumes more than 20 times the national average for an American home. This house is not situated in a Northern or Midwestern 'snow belt' area. It's in the South.

House #2 is designed by an architecture professor at a leading national university. This house incorporates every 'green' feature current home construction can provide. The house is 4,000 square feet (4 bedrooms) and is nestled on a high prairie in the American southwest. A central closet in the house holds geothermal heat-pumps drawing ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the ground.

The water (usually 67 degrees F) heats the house in the winter and cools it in the summer. The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or natural gas and it consumes one-quarter electricity required for a conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwater from the roof is collected and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern. Wastewater from showers, sinks and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then into the cistern. The collected water then irrigates the land surrounding the house. Surrounding flowers and shrubs native to the area enable the property to blend into the surrounding rural landscape.

HOUSE #1 is outside of Nashville, Tennessee. It is the abode of the 'Environmentalist' Al Gore.

HOUSE #2 is on a ranch near Crawford, Texas. It is the residence of the Ex-President of the United States, George W. Bush.

So whose house is gentler on the environment? Yet another story you WON'T hear on CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC, MSNBC, or read about in the New York Times or the Washington Post. Indeed, for Mr. Gore, it is truly an "Inconvenient Truth."

Read more about this ongoing debate here.

SPOTTING AN INCONVENIENT HOAX

IN RELATED NEWS, the National Weather Service has announced a Thermometer Buyback Program. It seems that the older your thermometer the more likely that it is failing to rise to the proper temperatures. The old glass thermometers have the problem of liquid glass evident in cathedral stained glass windows, which has been shown scientifically to cause lower temperature readings. Also, the glass is attached to a metal or plastic frame in a haphazard manner which allows gravity to pull the glass down in relationship to the numbers on the frame. The thermometers of the bi-metal variety are subject to the insidious effects of metal fatigue which again causes lower readings.

These scientifically documented effects in household thermometers, are solely responsible for the anecdotal cooling being reported by individuals across the country and yes the entire earth. This anecdotal cooling, in turn, has created a wholly inappropriate rise in the number of people who question Global Warming. These old thermometers can be taken to your local Weather Office where they will be purchased from you for Five Dollars ($5.00) each. You will also be given one of the new Government-approved thermometers which will agree much more closely with the government approved weather reports. This new Thermometer Buyback Bailout Program will once again put our country in the forefront of Science.

Okay, tis a folly all in fun. But what can you expect of us in this heat? The preceding spoof was posted on a meteorological blog by a clever commenter named Mike Bryant. Sorry, no permalink available.